Prime Living, the Book continues

"Now all we need is a little energon, and a lot of luck." - Optimus Prime to the galaxy.

I can't think of this dramatic utterance by the great Prime without Megatron's fantastic riposte: "More than you imagine, Optimus Prime." One is tempted to ask, "more WHAT, exactly?" Energon? Luck? Toothpaste, perhaps (probably an unwarranted assumption as our latest investigations into the subject reveal that Autobots have no teeth)? Patch Adams Dvds? But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Before we ask for more, we have to eat what's on our plate.

And what's on our plate today is a homemade recipe for the Prime life. So the key question is this: what exactly are the ingredients to make a heaping helping of the Prime life? We've heard from Woody Allen that 80% of success is showing up. We've made French toast that required a couple of teaspoons of sugar, a cup of milk, three slightly beaten eggs, a teaspoon of salt, and texas toast so thick you could choke your pet iguana on it. We've seen our favorite tv stars make Old Fashioned whiskeys with jiggers, bitters, sugar, and spice. But how exactly, Rachel Ray, does one concoct the recipe for success?

Prime responds: ENERGON and LUCK. I want you take this literally. Go out and buy Lucky's brand denim jeans and gear (you know those cute little t-shirts with the four leaf clovers, aren't they just adorable?), and remember, you always need MORE luck than Energon. I've just consulted headquarters, and I've been told that's it always better to undershoot a word when looking for human analogies for Autobot comparisons. That means that Lucky's brand denim jeans is no good. We'll have go with 7 foot 1 Aussie center Luc Longley as the REAL meaning for Prime's statement. Now all we need is a little energon (read: about a quart and a half of Powerade's new exciting flavor, Mint Rhubarb Spring Blastalanche) and a lot of Luc(k) (read: a 7 foot 1 white center with little or no ups but a solid outside jumpshot off of the pick and roll who could draw opposing centers away from the basket to make driving to the hole a little easier for your RobotoJordans and MetalliPippens).

Admittedly, one would LIKE to hear something a little bit more reassuring from the Prime Mover himself. I mean, luc(k)? Really? Why not just tell us we're going to try to win the NBA championship of life with someone like Bill Wennington, a Canadian with bad knees and an even more questionable jumpshot? Prime, don't you mean that 90% of this battle is perspiration (I mean, in a world where Autobots have sweat glands, but you know what I mean)? Hard work, right Prime? If I could, you know I would, stand on the mount where Huffer stood and just look right into the beady gleaming robot eyes of Prime and say, "Where's the work ethic?" Where is the "grit, guts, and gears"?

But he would shake his head. If he didn't have a giant metallic plate covering his lips, I'd probably see them curling into a smile. The Prime Life is about honesty, about knowing that Megatron and his power-hungry goons ARE more militarily powerful at THIS exact moment, that the greatest military power in the world still needs the right bounce of the ball to see this ship get home safely. And you know, who am I to disagree with Prime? He was here first. I acquiesce, Optimus.

When you live the Prime life, you always get a little bit more than you imagine.