First Line

"Ironhide, report to me at once." -- Optimus Prime to Ironhide

If there's one thing that modern society lacks, it's promptness. Go to a drycleaner. Order a famous KFC bowl at the drive through window. Turn in your midterm test to your professor. Pop your hot pocket into the microwave. Things just won't happen quick enough. And when you eventually get what you want, the product is inevitably disappointing. The shirt has a grease stain on it. The KFC bowl has coagulated into merely a lukewarm pile of buffet leftovers. You got an 72 on the test. The cheese in your hot pocket permanently burns your tongue. Eminent philosopher Crow T. Robot puts it this way: "We live in a society where we can break the sound barrier, yet I can't get my pants back by Tuesday!" ("Terror from the Year 5000", Scene 2). Pants, indeed!

It is to this procrastinating world that Optimus Prime speaks with grave authority. "At once" he commands his lieutenant, the southern fried mini-van Ironhide. Not ten minutes from now. Not an hour from now. Not two days from now after the Deceptacons have thoroughly destroyed yet another planet to satiate their energon-thirsty circuits. Prime levels this charge: "Report to me at once."

As we use this provocative command in our search for the Prime Life, two things deserve special attention. First, we report to somebody. It may not be a gigantic robot who can think, feel, and turn into semi-truck, but we report to someone none the less. Find that person, says Prime. Because when your Optimus Prime comes a calling, demanding immediate action, you don't want to have to think twice about who is buttering your bread. The Prime Life is not about autonomy. It's about taking orders from a cartoon character with a faceplate over his mouth...figuratively, of course.

Second, report to your superior promptly. Don't wait. Haven't had your coffee yet? Tough break. In the middle of a donut? Well, Abigail Mae, you'll just to have put your hands up and step away from the pastry. "You got to move," sang the singer of the old time spiritual "You've Got to Move." If Ironhide had waited just one astro-second longer, you can be sure Optimus Prime was ready to open a can of Autobot whoopin', or at least break out the, "Ironhide Ray Autobot, you report at once, young man." Beware the middle name, middle manager. Follow the rules of the road, and you'll be on the Prime Living highway without construction or a traffic jam in sight.